Our first piece of advice is this: look to the Lord in prayer. One important point to bear in mind is that there will be legal consequences for your husbandâs actions. Once you’ve taken these steps, you’ll obviously want to turn your attention to the state of your marriage. In some cases the girl will have to live life as the partner of the abuser in every way as an adult would. I have noticed a few times my husband had a semi-hard erection when playing with our son (who is now 3yrs). These situations may contribute to the success of the child molester who can and will provide the caring attention, however superficial that may be lacking at home. But you need to act now – both for the sake of your niece and for the sake of your marriage. He wasnât a physically attractive person, but he was already a very convincing liar. Pedophiles are attracted to children who have not yet undergone puberty. They have to feel comfortable discussing sensitive matters with you. He isn't aware that I know about this yet, and I'm ashamed to say that I feel tempted to look the other way. This secret is normally kept between the offender and the victim, or within the immediate family. I won't go into details, but I do have solid evidence that he's been engaging in unspeakable acts with this sweet, innocent child. You really don’t have any other choice if you care about your niece. Home » Family QAs » Get Help » Family Q&A » Relationships & Marriage Q&As » Pedophilia in Marriage. This misconception has been effectively dispelled through information obtained in thousand of child sexual abuse investigations over the years. No group of our community or person can ever be ignored as a possible Pedophile if their are signs showing. They don't think of mom or dad, or in the case of single parents, their significant other. As it is so much easier to hide it from behind closed doors, than to risk taking a unknown child. 9)Pursues children for sexual purposes.He/She wants to ensure that they get their sexual gratification from Abusing a Child or a little baby.To these Pedophiles sexual relations with a child or baby is normal and they thrive on the control over the child/baby, which makes their sick sexual experience in their mind even better. He tells me that sometimes he can't control his erections and that he gets them when he is relaxed. We call our fingers our fingers and our Mouth our Mouth, so why not call our Genitals by their name either a Penis or a Vagina. The child will become confused on boundaries â life doesnât have a barbed wire fence to keep out bad guys. The first two years were tough, but my kids came out great. There is no standard way of handling pedophiles in our court system. I don't know if this qualifies; ok he's 30. I have spoken to him about this and expressed my concerns. Take them into your confidence and tell them what you know and how you know it. If you think it might be helpful to talk these issues over at greater length with a member of our staff, we’d like to invite you to call Focus on the Family’s Counseling department. Itâs a tough choice. 21)Is usually non-violent and has few problems with the law (pedophiles are frequently respected community members).As I said above the worst offenders of Child Abuse are those that hide behind the cloak of respectability and normality in life. No, he's an EPHEBOPHILE-----that is, an adult attracted to pubescent or post-pubescent individuals. This is to be expected. I know I need to do something to protect my niece, but I fear that if this comes to light everything in my life will be destroyed, including my marriage. Then place her under the care of a trained Christian clinician who specializes in sexual abuse. This usually occurs after the child realizes that by withholding "sexual favors" the child will obtain what he or she desires, such as new toys, clothing or trips.They brain train their victims. Should I report him? This is a normal response to a “crazy-making” turn of events in your life. It doesn’t matter what your friends and relatives think – there is no reason to assume that you will be blamed or vilified for your spouse’s actions. He came into my life when I was in my first year of high school, 14 years old. The molestation occurs over an extended period of time, occasionally into the victim's adulthood. The way you describe your husband is SO similar to my dad. 12)May possess and furnish narcotics to his victims to lower their inhibitions.Sometimes a child can fight too much against their abuser, so they are drugged in order to subdue them. The worst part, and the part that I remember after finding out about my own husbandâs infidelity, was the fact that he kept trying to convince me that I was the crazy one. A Letter From A Survivor Of Abuse To Herâ¦, Parental Alienation IS Forced Child Abuse -â¦, REMEMBER THE ELDERLY IN OUR COMMUNITIES -â¦. So what should you do? My Husband Is a Pedophile AMA - (r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Ask Me Anything) Has anything insane happened to you? 8)May seek employment or volunteer with programs involving children of the age of his preference.How many times have we seen Teachers, Coaches etc who were employed to work with our children, to turn out to be the most dangerous people to have around our children. A pedophile may not sexually abuse children themselves but may view child pornography which is also a severe criminal offence and helps to maintain the cycle of child sexual abuse. I am seriously considering calling 911. Recently I was looking at his computer history and saw that about 2-3 years ago before we met, he searched for child pornography. If she represses the memory of her ordeal until she’s older, her symptoms will likely be far more severe and she will face a much longer period of recovery. 'My husband's a paedophile â but I still love him' Abigail McKern, the actress speaking Helen's words in Channel 4 documentary 'Married to a Paedophile' T he knock came just before dawn. Do whatever is necessary to procure the medical and psychological assistance she needs. He was a prefect at my school and I was flattered that he even spoke to me. Obviously, ensuring your niece’s safety is a top priority. Seven years ago, Darlene Ellison's husband was arrested by the FBI for his involvement with NAMBLA, the North American Man-Boy Love Association. 14)May go to great lengths to conceal his illegal activity.Staying hidden from the world, is all part of this sick game of control and abuse to a Pedophile. These qualities are fundamental to the secret double life that characterizes the typical abuser. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? When my youngest was born my now ex-husband came to me and told me he had an addiction to pornography and that he wanted out and wanted my help. Whether or not your husband is a boylover, it is clear that he will be abusive. Your marriage might be healed, but it might not. He/She always wants to have lots of images of children around so that at any stage he/she can relieve themselves sexually, or plan on what they will do in abusing this child. If you are the child’s legal guardian (you didn’t mention whether she’s been living with you or not), the first thing to do is to get her away from your husband. Here at Focus on the Family we are committed to doing everything in our power to save and restore broken marriages, but we’re also aware that it’s important to be realistic. He has violated the marriage covenant by seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere. Paedophiles are almost always men, more often married adult males and they work in a very wide range of occupations, from unskilled work up to corporate executives. Dear wife of a pedophile, I am so sorry to hear your story but I do understand and I am really glad you left this call to action. There is no standard way of handling pedophiles in our court system. A pedophile and the child have boundaries issues in common. Don't be ignorant to the fact that it can't and won't happen to your child, as I am telling you that it can and it will if you don't protect them. This means that when you confront your husband with your discovery, you will probably find that he’s very good at looking you straight in the eye and saying something that will cause you to doubt yourself. Once you’ve attended to the child’s needs, you will need to report the incident to law enforcement or Child Protective Services. I am worried that I am going to let myself be manipulated by my dad again, he wants to see my kidsâ¦. In this short film, Chase accompanies his friend Rebekah Skoor as they travel to visit Rebekahâs father, Michael, a convicted pedophile. The answer to this question depends on a number of different factors. Obviously, we don’t have all the answers. Exactly what form this will take is likely to vary from state to state. The possibility of exposure doing this is far too high, hence why most children taken under these circumstances are sadly murdered. Caring for Sexually Abused Children: A Handbook for Families and Churches, Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis, Fool-Proofing Your Life: How to Deal Effectively With the Impossible People in Your Life, Torn Asunder: Recovering From an Extramarital Affair. Sometimes I catch him looking at young girls kinda funny. Clearly, something needs to be done about the discovery you’ve made. The good news is that this might actually be the best way to get him the help he needs: if the case comes to trial, and if he is convicted, the judge will probably order him to undergo personal therapy. My prayers are with you. Next, realize that your emotional response to your husband’s behavior is completely understandable. They’re usually seductive, manipulative, and highly controlling. I've seen him google search "tiny petite teens" and "teen porn". Married to a Pedophile. All the more reason to stand firm and enlist the help of a few supporters who won’t be taken in by deception or smooth talk. Women should never mistrust that gut feeling that somethingâs not right. They’re essential to their ability to seduce their victims. We both sowed our wild oats in college a bit, but me more than him as he had a steady gf for most of that time. So of course I was there for him going through counseling, being his accountability partner, and support person through it all. He comes across so smooth and together, while I am an emotional basket case. Although physical abuse may occur, the molestation is usually secretive and is accomplished through mental duress and threats - that the child would be removed from the family if he/she did not succumb to his wishes, that he/she would be blamed for hurting the family if the offender is arrested, or that a sibling would be sexually abused if the victim did not consent. Your goal in all of this will be to persuade your husband to meet with and be assessed by a competent licensed clinician who has been specially trained to deal with sexual abuse and addiction. We highly recommend that you consult with a reputable attorney to find out what your options are. Hold on to your faith, strength, and courage. His father often asks to take our daughter to help âlighten the loadâ but doesnât ask to take our son, as well. At this point no one can know exactly what’s going to happen. If you have reason to suppose that they are neither competent nor responsible enough to take these steps, you may have to act on their behalf. The incestuous or interfamilial molester is usually an adult male (father, stepfather, grandfather or live-in boyfriend of the mother,sister or aunt) who molests the child or children. Under the circumstances, do you think there's any possibility that our marriage can be saved? When trust is destroyed, the relationship between husband and wife inevitably suffers. As we see it, the bitterness, anger, and disgust you’re feeling toward him at this moment will continue to grow until you can no longer tolerate his presence. âAnon3 As they all watch each other's backs. Child molesters -Pedophiles come from all walks of life and from all socioeconomic groups. Their father.... my ex-husband, is a convicted pedophile. Among other things, your spouse has broken faith with you. 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